Friday, July 16, 2010

Me on Marriage #1

Just a pic from the most recent wedding I attended (last Saturday):

Why I want to post this:  For the past couple years I have seen marriages that I thought could withstand (or were withstanding) anything....fall apart.  I've seen couples divorced who I personally was friends with, people who I ministered to and in some ways it seemed like an "out of the blue" decision. I'm sure it was not a quick decision but it prompted me to write in my journal...at midnight one night. CRAZY I know but when the inspiration hits you gotta go with it.

One thing that really struck me is how these couples that I know have children who they put in the middle of their issues. Not only are the actions of the parents extremely detrimental to the children but to each other. I believe when a marriage happens a spiritual union happens also. In order to break that union you have to give a part of yourself away AND you tear a part of your children in the process.  I really believe it must be a three-fold cord (you, spouse, God) and it must be checked for breaks and frays at all times.
 
In the breaks that I have seen or heard about...it typically is one spouse blaming the other for everything.  That really gets to me.... I understand that a spouse can be terrible at times BUT in marriage no matter how you put it...it takes two.  (I am not talking about abuse in any form here).  I am talking about marriages that have simply fallen apart because one spouse simply quits and starts blaming.  I fully believe in order for a marriage to work there has to be a humility from both sides.  Humility must be present to recognize that neither is perfect and that always blaming will not build up.  Humility must be present to realize when to give up your own wants and desires for the good of the both. 

ALL marriages need to have both sides working FOR the marriage at all times.  If you think about the vows you spoke...for better or for worse...most people only stay true to the for better part. Have you thought about your marriage (if you're married) and what you will do in the for worse parts?  Have you thought about the words till death do us part?

Maybe it's really just being a man or woman of your word...maybe it's trusting God that He can bring good out of any situation...maybe it's taking the situation out of your own hands and trusting God to bring your spouse around...maybe it's letting go and letting God and being obedient to doing what He says to do.

What's really funny (or not really) is last night as I was starting to write this post, Chad and I had an argument. He said something about the kids that I took extremely personally.  He was simply making a suggestion and I took it as a negative against me....ok so we all know this probably did not turn out to be very romantic...'nuff said'.

...to be continued...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

great post elaine...i really enjoy your blog :) i am so happy and more at peace than i could have ever imagined in years past...but i still have times when i struggle with "what could i have done better or tried harder at? why couldn't i do enough to fix things?"....and i want to cry when i know that i took vows and they have been broken. but then after all of that, i know the truth and i know that God knows, too. I am far from perfect, but I am also not as worthless as I have been told that I am in the past. It's been a rough journey for me, but I believe that God had a purpose and I learned soooo much being in a marriage where in reality I was on my own....I really am not sure that it was a true union emotionally at any time....i could ramble for a while but i won't :) Anyway, love you, miss you....you seem to be doing great and your family is so beautiful!..
~Doreen